Question: I want to look after my sexual health, but I don’t really know where to start? With my mates, it seems to just be about how many people you sleep with, and I don’t have a partner and my doctor just focuses on the medical. How can I improve my sex life as part of my everyday life?
Alright, my friend, so it seems like you’re actually asking two questions here. The first is how to look after your sexual health, and the second is how to have more sexual pleasure. While sexual health and pleasure are undoubtedly connected, you’ve come to realize that you can’t really ask your doctor anything outside of the health or medical realm.
This is an unfortunate reality with most doctors. Their jobs aren’t to focus on pleasure but to focus on health, specifically, and in the case of a primary care doctor, sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Often, that’s the only part of sexual health they ask about, which is undoubtedly frustrating. However, if you go in with a set of sexual health questions, they will be more likely to answer them directly. So, when you do head on in to see your doctor, it’s always good to have written down a list of questions to ask them!
Alright, now the bulk of your question has to do with enhancing your sexual pleasure and improving your sex life. Really, education is key. And lucky for you, we live in the era of Google, and you can get all of your specific questions answered online. But in the situation you don’t even know which questions to ask or where to start, let me offer some helpful beginner tips on improving your sex life.
You specifically asked for things you can do “every day” to improve your sex life. Truthfully, the most significant piece of advice I can give you is to stay healthy and active. I know it sounds simple, but wow, is it essential. Most folks who have a rewarding sex life will tell you that sex is a workout. And most of us are mere humans, not porn stars. We can’t penetrate for ten minutes straight without stopping. Most of us can’t even go a minute of hard penetration without getting out of breath. (Side cramps, anyone?)
So, engage in a combination of aerobic (walking, cycling, swimming) and anaerobic (weight lifting, HIIT workouts, calisthenics) to keep your heart healthy. And STRETCH, especially if you’re the bottom or one being penetrated. If you are strong and limber, you’ll be able to engage in far more exciting sexual positions—not to mention you’ll also be able to go longer and harder when with a partner.
Explore what you like by yourself.
Often, we use masturbation as a form of stress release or mood regulation. We do it because we’re bored or we’re sad or angry (or just horny). This is completely fine, and masturbation can absolutely be used to make us feel less stressed. But you should also carve out some times to have more exploratory masturbatory sessions where you get to learn, more specifically, what you like during sex.
This can mean you play with your nipples while you masturbate and learn exactly which type of nipple stimulation you find most arousing. (Pinched, gently rubbed, using an ice cube, etc.) It’s also a time to explore some backdoor pleasure on yourself too. Regardless of gender, anal penetration feels incredible, but for men, it feels even better since we have a prostate—a walnut-sized gland located just 2-3 inches inside the anus that is jam-packed with nerve endings. When stimulated properly, it can lead to earth-shattering orgasms. Perhaps you can buy a small toy, lube it on up, and give it a good ol’ college try.
You can also use this time to practice orgasm control if you struggle with premature ejaculation (or simply want to last longer than you already do during sex). Needless to say, we recommend MYHIXEL MED for premature ejaculation, which was designed by leading researchers to use clinically proven methods to help control premature ejaculation. (It was tested in over 800 men and shown to increase ejaculatory control by up to seven times!) If you don’t have PE, but just want to improve your control, then you should try out MYHIXEL TR, which was designed for guys who want last longer in bed.
Have long foreplay sessions.
Foreplay is a lost art for too many men. All too often, we want to “skip to the good stuff” because we’re horned. But wow, does patience and anticipation lead to far hotter sexual experiences than getting right down to business. Take things slowly while in bed. Draw things out. Take off each article of clothing one by one, making each reveal a mini striptease and show. Make the f*ck out with your partner. Lick every part of their body. Tease them by gently rubbing their nipples before sucking on them. Touch the area around their genitals—their inner thigh—without actually touching their genitals. Get to the point where they are begging you to insert your penis inside of them.
You’ll come to appreciate foreplay for actually being play. It’s not the appetizer, it’s part of the main meal. The idea that foreplay builds into the main course is one of the biggest sexual fallacies in existence. It doesn’t help that foreplay is a misnomer—the “fore” implying that what’s to come after is the main event. So enjoy the time before penetration as much as you enjoy penetration. Really build that sexual connection with your partner.
These simple things— daily exercise, learning your body and desires, and engaging in longer foreplay sessions—will definitely take your sexual pleasure up a notch. The next time you have sex, I guarantee the experience will be far better for both you and your partner.