There is no universal parameter to determine what makes us good in bed. Mainly because it is almost impossible to have universal rules regarding sexual encounters. Something you like doing in bed will not necessarily please other people and vice versa. But it is clear that our sex life plays a crucial part of our life. This is why, to achieve sexual satisfaction from sexual encounters we have to be committed and acknowledge there’s always room for improvement. To do this, we need to start talking about our sexual practices and preferences.
Self-assessment to empower your sexual self
We believe it is essential to start with self-assessment. This is the first step to improving in bed. You can start by asking yourself these questions: how many times have I asked the other person how do I perform in bed, have I ever asked what sexual needs or desires my partner has? Am I open to try new things in bed? Am I able to stay present during sexual encounters? If you have asked these questions, it’s a good time to start.
We know these questions have made you rethink many issues, and that’s a good thing. However, it is relevant for everyone to always keep in mind that sexual fulfillment cannot be fully achieved without first freeing yourself. But we still have some tips that will be very helpful. Keep reading to find out why.
1. The mind: the basis for improving in bed
When we think about “improving our sexual performance” we think of: trying new postures, positions, reading the kamasutra, and porn, etc. Sex is much more than that, sex position are only the surface of something much more complex and deeper, like an iceberg.
The human mind encompasses a large part that is invisible. The good thing is that almost everything can be worked and improved, and the mind is no exception. The brain plays a big role in our sexual development and will help us understand ourselves better. Fortunately, there are exercises and techniques that will help you improve.
2. Free your sexuality!
“Freeing up” is a key factor to make our fantasies reality and feel more comfortable. When we feel free with our partner, friends, sexual partners (call it however you want), everything seems to flow smoothly. Low levels of stress and pressure, will allow us to be ourselves, trust the moment, and listen to our body and sensations. Believe it or not, our mind can be our worst enemy or best friend. If we don’t understand what lies under our inner thoughts, we will not be able to express what we like, almost like a prison. This leads to detrimental consequences for our sex life.
Therefore, the first habit to develop is to talk freely and openly about everything:
- What we like in bed and what we don’t.
- Ask the other person about their sexual preferences. In sex life, shame is the real enemy to fight.
- Share fantasies: it may surprise us, but on many occasions, what we want to do,may be also in the other person’s bucket list.
Use your mind as your best ally. This will help you enjoy more!
3. Feel more and better
Avoiding trying new sexual practices or games and limiting yourself to only one particular position or type of sex too often is very monotonous. Improving in bed involves trying new things and being honest with yourself. To achieve this, it can be helpful to avoid thinking only about the final phase of intercourse, e.g. orgasm. Instead, focus on each and every shared moment. Imagine you are on a train and you are only focusing on arriving at your destination, you will probably miss all the different sceneries along the way. What we are trying to transmit, avoid rushing into penetration or insertion, as it is not the only satisfying part of the sexual encounter.
Instead, you can enjoy yourself much more by looking for little big pleasures in everything you do in bed:
- Watching something together that excites you
- Erotic toys
- Eating during the encounter
- Using erotic candles
And a long etcetera… Don’t forget that there is a lot to discover.
4. Sexual positions are a thing of the past – reinvent yourself!
Apart from these essential recommendations, there are also some practices that can have more immediate effects in the pursuit of pleasure. For example, role playing, bondage and discipline games, domination and submission (popularly known by its acronym BDSM), among a long list of alternatives. This implies, on many occasions, opening up to a new world in which the way you relate to your partner changes radically. It allows you to let your imagination fly, enjoying fantasies that, perhaps, lived repressed in your mind.
These practices are very effective and useful, although it is recommended to learn carefully the best ways to practice them, and more importantly, to define clear rules and thresholds with your partner or partners beforehand. All these alternatives will help transform your experiences into something new, more creative, and could strengthen your relationship by generating complicity. Being better in bed also involves creating a shared world of secrets and passions.
5. How to have a fulfilling sex life? Beyond the physique…
Despite what you see in porn, enjoying a fulfilling sex life does not depend on having a sculpted body. In fact, chasing impossible body canons will only generate frustration and will affect our sexual satisfaction. Do not let it be an obstacle for you.
However, it is advisable to perform some types of pelvic exercises as they are useful if you want to increase the time we are enjoying, improve stability, work the pelvic floor muscles and give us strength.
This can be combined with a healthy diet that gives you the energy you need to enjoy in bed. Even some types of foods can be useful for this purpose. These foods are very well explained and developed in the famous aphrodisiac cuisine. These two factors, combined and maintained for a long time like any other habit, will propel you to a new sex life.
If this is not enough, it might be necessary or useful to consult a health professional. However, getting to know yourself and your partner is a great starting point.
In conclusion, happiness is always about confidence and freedom. But remember, not everything in bed is about time, it’s about quality. If you follow some of the tips we have told you here, you will surely feel more satisfied in bed and enjoy to the fullest those sexual encounters that fill us so much.
Author: Anel Martínez (Sexual Coach at MYHIXEL)
Sexologist specializing in sex therapy and sex education, mental health and human behavior.
PS: Remember you can book a private consultation with me at MYHIXEL CLINIC. Book your appointment here.