The first time you have sex may be scaring or even imposing. A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy in 2013 indicates that the first sexual encounter may set the tone for the rest of one’s sex life. We can’t deny that there are many fears, expectations, emotions, and questions that arise when we decide to start having sex for the first time. For that reason, in this article, we’ll give you some great tips on first-time sex, and how to enjoy the start of a healthy sexual life.
Why is difficult the “first time”
The first times are always complicated because we don’t know what we are getting ourselves into. The fact of not knowing can make us vulnerable. Engaging in penetrative sex for the first time can be slightly intimidating. One might be excited and ready, but this doesn’t mean that everything will happen the way we have planned.
But keeping this in mind can prepare us. Knowing that anything can happen helps us be more flexible, to consider all the possible outcomes, and basically just go with the flow. And remember, sex is much more than just penetration! Try to stimulate your partner and yourself in other ways, there are a myriad of practices.
Main fears regarding first-time sex
Learn as much about sex as you can
Before this happens, try our fool prove tips that will help you on your first-time sex. The more you know about sex, the less worried you’ll feel! There are a lot of reasons people might feel uncomfortable talking to their partner about sex. Take it slowly. Don’t rush into anything. Take time for lots and lots of foreplay. Humour and sex are always a good mix!
Does first sex cause bleeding?
First time sex is associated with bleeding. Some people think it has to do with the fact that the tear of the hymen of people with vagina. As a matter of fact, the hymen has an opening, this is where the blood from the period comes out of. Having this in mind, we can openly say that the hymen doesn’t break nor ‘pops’ during the first sexual penetration. Some women do have traces of blood after the first intercorse but this mainly happens when there isn’t enough lubrication in the area, causing micro tears in the membrane. This could also happen during anoreceptive sex.
Our recommendation? Use lube, and some more lube! This will help the penetration be more comfortable. And remember to go slow and enjoy every touch.
Can first sex lead to pregnancy?
Yes! First time sex can lead to an unwanted pregnancy.In heterosexual encounters, with all the first-time nerves, it’s easy to forget about contraception. Pregnancy is only possible if we have unprotected sex. Fecundation of an egg usually consists of semen that enters the vagina canal. But this also includes: ejaculation outside of but near a vagina or pulling out the penis before the ejaculation occurs.
If you aren’t ready to have a baby, it doesn’t mean that we should avoid having sexual intercorse at all. You simply must use a condom (internal or external), which, as well as avoiding any unexpected “surprises”, will prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections. In some cases, STIs can have serious reproductive health consequences beyond the immediate impact. Using a condom will help you enjoy the sexual without worrying too much.
First sex and erectile dysfunction
Climaxing too soon may be one of a man’s main fears when it comes to having sex for the first time. Nervousness and anxiety of the first sexual encounter, as well as not knowing about the other person’s sexual tastes and practices, can often cause a number of problems. There may be difficulty in maintaining sexual excitement, causing erection problems, or problems in reaching orgasm.
Over-excitement may cause men to ejaculate too quickly – by not having control of the eyaculation– during their first sexual encounter. This is also known as premature ejaculation. The origin of the dysfunction is most likely to be psychological. There are too many factors involved that can actually cause us to experience this. However the more relaxed you feel, the more you’ll be able to control your ejaculation. In cases like these, it really does help if your first sexual encounter is with someone you trust. Talk to your partner about your insecurities and fears. You can do this before or during the sexual encounter. This not only prevents us from what might happen in bed, but also helps us to relieve tension and feel more comfortable.
The importance of foreplay and thinking about your partner:
Focusing on foreplay is one of the keys to enjoying your first sexual experience. Foreplay consists of different sex games or activities you carry out prior to intercourse and is essential in order to become more confident with your partner. Remember that the goal of a sexual encounter isn’t specifically penetration, but, rather, to achieve maximum sexual pleasure and enjoy sex.
The place and the moment are also important aspects that will help to reach this objective. That’s why you should look for the perfect place and opportunity that will help you to relax and make your partner feel comfortable. Never have first-time sex when there’s the danger you may be seen or where someone could walk in on you at any moment. And, even though there’s no pre-ordained age for having first-time sex, it’s essential that you really do feel ready to take this step. If you don’t, then you won’t enjoy the experience.
Manage your expectations: first time sex expectations vs reality
Most men face their first sexual encounter with their only experience being what they’ve seen on porn videos. They may be aware that it’ll be impossible for them to recreate most of what they’ve seen there, as these videos just don’t reflect what really happens when most couples have sex. However, that initial idea, based on what they’ve seen, brings with it a whole series of expectations that can lead to disappointment in real life. So, forget about all those sexual fantasies and just focus on the missionary position, which is the most ideal and comfortable position for your first time, especially as it’s a position that lets you progress bit by bit. As time goes on, you’ll gain more and more experience and confidence to start trying out other sex positions.
To sum up, there are a few ideas that you should keep in mind. First of all, take it slowly. Don’t rush into anything. Take time for lots and lots of foreplay.
Secondly, use a condom to avoid unexpected “surprises”, and to prevent any STIs. Also, use lots of lube. This will help the penetration be more comfortable. And remember to go slow and enjoy every touch. Either way, sex is much more than just penetration! Try to stimulate your partner and yourself in other ways, there are many practices.
Regarding communication, talk to your partner about your insecurities and fears, and have some fun! Humour and sex are a perfectly good mix! After all, the goal of a sexual encounter isn’t specifically penetration, but, rather, to achieve maximum sexual pleasure and enjoy sex.
Author: Anel Martínez (Sexual Coach at MYHIXEL)
Sexologist specializing in sex therapy and sex education, mental health and human behavior.
PS: Remember you can book a private consultation with me at MYHIXEL CLINIC. Book your appointment here.