I’m going to be honest with you: Premature ejaculation (PE) doesn’t affect couples positively, but it’s by no means the end of the world. The key is being able to communicate about it honestly to your partner. If you don’t, you’ll end up with far bigger problems all stemming from self-esteem issues and shame.
As a society, we put such a heavy focus on sex, and we think that if we orgasm too quickly, and subsequently don’t satisfy our partner, we’re somehow “less of a man.” This is such bullshit. Say it with me. THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT. If you end up believing this rubbish, that’s when you end up with huge problems. You may avoid sex altogether, start to resent your partner, or even leave them.
To avoid reaching this point, you need to let your partner know that you’re struggling with PE. This actually helps to reduce internalized shame. I like to frame it like this, “I get so turned on when I’m with you that I often ejaculate too quickly.” When framed this way, your PE is almost a compliment. It shows how much you’re attracted to your partner and get turned on by them.
Then, you can discuss ways to have nonpenetrative sex together that leaves both you and your partner satisfied. Often, when we think of sex, we think of P-in-V or P-in-B, but that’s just penetrative sex. There are so many types of other sex that you can have that don’t involve penetration. You can use your tongue, mouth, hands, and screw it… sometimes feet too.
Besides, most vulva-owners don’t orgasm through P-in-V penetration alone. They need direct stimulation to their clitoris to finish. A recent study published in Sex and Marital Therapy found that only 18% of women can orgasm from P-in-V penetration alone. If your partner doesn’t have a vulva, that means they have a prostate, at which point, you can focus on milking their prostate through anal fingering as opposed to P-in-B penetration. You can also use various toys to enhance the sexual experience.
When you have PE, the key is to focus on your partner’s pleasure and shift how you define sex. Sex isn’t just anal or vaginal penetration. Sex includes all forms of touching.
Another big thing to remember about PE is that sex doesn’t need to be over just because you orgasmed. After ejaculating, you can continue to enjoy the sexual experience by pleasuring your partner orally and manually. Who knows, if you pleasure your partner long enough, you may get another erection and can go for round 2!
While communicating with your partner, concentrating on their pleasure, and focusing on other forms of non-penetrative sex are helpful to navigate any relationship issues stemming from PE, I understand that you may still want to combat your PE directly. So, here are a few non-pharmacological methods to help you naturally control ejaculation when you’re having penetrative sex.
A practical method to prevent premature ejaculation is to masturbate 30 minutes to an hour before you have sex. As any man can tell you, it takes longer to ejaculate a second time. This is because you just ejaculated and have less semen, but also because men have a refractory period after ejaculating due to the hormones released during orgasm. If you notice you’re still having issues when you masturbate beforehand, guess what? Masturbate twice beforehand.
Of course, this is only a stop-gap measure, meaning that it won’t fix your problems long-term. It’s only something you can do if you know you’re about to have sex soon and you have to have the privacy to do so. (Like, it’s not ideal to be on a date with someone and have to masturbate in their bathroom because you think you may have sex shortly, ya know?)
How you masturbate will contribute to how you have sex. So while masturbating, you can train yourself to last longer using the sexual practice of edging. What you want to do is get right up to what’s commonly called the “point of no return”—that point where even if you stop touching yourself, you’ll ejaculate. Before reaching that point, stop stroking. Wait 30 seconds to let your excitement and arousal go down. Then start back up again. Do this repeatedly.
This technique teaches your brain to control your orgasm better. It also gives you a better sense of where your point of no return is. That way, when you’re having sex, you can stop penetrating before you reach that point. When you pull out, you can perform oral sex on your partner or use your hands while your body relaxes.
Use MYHIXEL MED
Of course, you can use MYHIXEL MED, which was designed by leading researchers to use clinically proven methods to help control premature ejaculation. MYHIXEL MED isn’t just a sex toy, it’s a medical device with CE certification that was tested in over 800 men and has been shown to increase ejaculatory control by up to seven times! (In fact, The Journal of Sexual Medicine published the results of the last clinical study carried out with the MYHIXEL MED, in which the participants managed to triple the duration of their sexual relations.)
MYHIXEL MED connects to an app that lets you follow a personalized ten-week self-learning program. During which, it enables you to discover (and learn to control) your body and the muscles involved in the orgasm process. It’s set up like a game, with guided challenges.
A few of the unique features of MYHIXEL I include a therapeutic vibration system specifically developed to enhance ejaculatory control, an anatomically realistic inner channel, a self-heating system that replicates body temperature, and a magnetic charging lithium battery with a USB connector.
MYHIXEL MED also doesn’t have any side effects and isn’t a stop-gap measure (like masturbating beforehand). Once you learn orgasm control with MYHIXEL MED, it’s a skill you’ll carry for life every time you have sex going forward.