One of the main reasons we don’t enjoy sex is because we don’t perceive the changes that our bodies go through. You may be asking yourself: how come we don’t perceive these changes? This may be due to the fact that we tend to be oblivious about our bodily sensations and therefore, our pleasure. The fact that we do not know how to recognize what our body is telling us or why it reacts in one way or another, gives us a clue that something is not right.
The body is the main receptor that is responsible for the activation of the somatosensory system (this is the system in charge of decoding stimuli such as touch, temperature or pain). When we take a hit, this system is activated to interpret what should be the sensations we should feel and if the neurocircuit works perfectly, you are most likely to feel discomfort . On the other hand, when someone caresses your arm, the same mechanism will be activated, activating pleasurable sensations. But this does not always work correctly. Sometimes, we notice a caress but the circuits that are in charge of encoding the stimuli won’t process it as something pleasurable. A failure in this processing can lead to sexual problems as it happens in the phases of the sexual response.
What can I do to feel more pleasure?
It all depends on how connected we are with our bodily sensations. Lacking body awareness will mean difficulty to feel pleasure, experience new sensations and enjoy sexual encounters. This usually happens when we let ourselves get carried away by stress or we are consumed by the hustle and bustle of everyday life. For this reason it is essential to be able to connect with our essence in order to enjoy our sexuality to the fullest.
Listening to our body has many health benefits. It has been found that emotions and feelings can be reflected in the body. What are the signs that our body is giving us warning signals? Our body speaks to us in many ways. For example, something different may be happening to us when we experience a fast beating heart and rapid breathing, when we have constant shoulder tension, when we feel tension in our jaw, when we wake up during the night, or simply when we fail to relax at night before going to sleep. Our body speaks to us, but we don’t pay attention to the different signals. Many of us divert our attention to immediate solutions such as taking herbal teas or muscle relaxants pills to reduce tension or we just simply get used to living with the discomfort. But if you are tired of looking for palliative solutions and want to improve this problem, the best you can do is to gain body awareness.
In terms of sexuality, it is recommended to change our habits so that we can be more in line with our erotic goals, for example, to feel and experience more pleasure or to let ourselves be carried away by sensations. In other words, we must learn to listen to what our body needs in terms of sensations in order to satisfy that need. We must also be aware of what makes us feel rejection or disgust to avoid carrying those sensations and seek out options which are suitable for you and your pleasure.
There are exercises that help to enhance this body awareness, such as pilates, yoga or meditation, but there are also other ways to achieve it. Here you can find a series of body practices designed to help us achieve our rational goals.
How to have body awareness
Follow these steps to gain body awareness and improve your sexual satisfaction:
- Take a breath and concentrate on how the air travels inside.
- Start focusing on every part of your body up and down, stopping at every centimeter, from the soles of your feet to your hips.
- Then concentrate on the perineal area or pelvic floor, (in the case of men, the space between the testicles and anus). Contract and relax the muscles, try to differentiate the variety of muscles that are involved in this area. Look for any stiff spots, both in the buttocks and in the anal region. The perineal area, or pelvic floor, tends to contract in some situations, such as sexual intercourse.
- Keep moving up towards your upper body with your mind. You should be able to sense your arms, move them and also move your fingers one by one while imagining them.
- Move up towards the head through the neck, chin, ears, nape of the neck, head….
- And start again. Is not so difficult, it’s something that is innate to us, we just have to practice it to achieve it automatically.
Body awareness more than a practice…
Body awareness is an ongoing process that requires training and practice. We are born with this ability, but as time goes by, some develop this ability better than others, as we tend to focus on understanding the body but we don’t stop to think about how we do it, how we feel it. Achieving this is beneficial in many aspects related to sexual health.
Author: Andrés Suro (Sexual Coach at MYHIXEL)
Psychologist specialized in the social area and expert in sexology applied to education.
PS: Remember you can book a private consultation with me at MYHIXEL CLINIC. Book your appointment here.